Running Away

From relationships, job positions, hobbies, why run away? Never holding for more than 6 months. When things start to come together, I run away, leave, escape. I leave and run as far as my money takes me. What is it about leaving town, not responding to texts blasting music on a one way road some unknown city that feels so comforting. Freedom. Absolute. Freedom. Is it really freedom? Why am I constantly dreaming of being in that quiet place in nature. That spot. The spot where you can be naked sing, laugh or shout as loud as you’d like. I am chaos, uncordinated, unorganized, but yet I submerge myself into the most peaceful and quiet enviorments. I like to work with small amounts of people, corperations scare me, big buildings scare me, large amounts of metal scare me. Is it becuase I don’t want to know how many people are out there, how many people are chasing their version of freedom. Am I supposed to go to college, get an internship every summer til graduation, and work at a large corperation post grad? First off I’d like to start off by asking the primary question of who the f*ck let women vote? The moment women gained rights is when traditionalism in value of life went downhill. So all the sudden men can be women and young girls stop learning how to cook clean and sew and start learning about finiance and operations. Why did we have to overcomplicate everything. My mind can’t comprehend how to have a career. I can only do basics, I can’t run my own life, I can’t make big decisions, can I go back to the 1630’s but in Sweden. I might kill myself. Overcomplication, overstimulation, underspeculation, not enough art, date someone smart, too much war, how about restore, polyester, no sisters, the 7 pillairs. I don’t want to know about finiance, or world news or frankly anything that has to do with turning knowledge into money. Why couldn’t we just stick with women being women. Living in linen, eating real food, children on the hip, teaching a kid how to be happy, taking care of the livestock making the house a home. Maybe that is why I contantly want to run away from responsibilities, becuase I know that I don’t exist in society. I want to disapear, find the most quiet, the most private, most secluded spot. And cry and scream just asking the world to be normal. Why can’t I just exist alongside all the other girls my age getting into amazing 4 year colleges, getting amazing jobs, having amazing significant others, with an amazing friend group, traveling amazing places. Why did I chose to run away in high school, ditch class to drive to the desert, you may ask, what is there, why do you always want to be alone. It’s the easiest escape route to peace. Everlasting peace. It’s the feeling of not really wanting to exist. But is it peace? Is it freedom? I quit the game. The game of life. The accomplishments, the goals, the planning of life. Why did life become about putting yourself in a box and being nothing more. Just be REAALLY good at one thing they say. Find your niche they say. How about being good at everything, master of none. Does that make me a loser, or a treasure? It constantly takes everything in me not to book a one way flight to a random ranch in a forgien country. I’d find more fulfillment helping an old Italian couple prepare for falls harvest of grapes a million times more than getting a 4 year degree. Say bye to the world and exist in my peace. That short term peace, relax now but then work myself to death when I’m 60 years old thinking how stupid I was thinking I was any different from anyone else in society thinking I could just f*ck off while everyone else worked thier asses off in their 20’s.. if you were born normal, congradulations. Welcome to the life of someone so free and happy, a not so hidden disaster.